


Consequences

by orphan_account



Series: The Long Road [6]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-07
Updated: 2011-09-07
Packaged: 2017-10-23 12:39:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the kiss ... what now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consequences

Robbie left quickly, not even stopping for coffee and nothing was said about the kiss.  There was a gaping chasm of silent embarrassment which they tried to fill with normality.  Half-finished sentences about work replaced what they both wanted to say, or perhaps didn’t.

 

Once alone, James threw himself on his bed, lying spread-eagled, looking up at the ceiling, unable to believe what had happened.  For five years he had been desperately, hopelessly in love with Robbie and sure that nothing would ever come of it.  All he had wanted in that time was that the other man would notice his love, give him even a shred of hope that it might be returned, even chastely.

 

Now, with that kiss, everything had changed and James wasn’t sure if it was for the better or the worse.  Now he wanted Robbie physically as he had never dared before.  That kiss had let him dare and he didn’t want to dare.  Well, yes he did but he knew that he shouldn’t.  That was what his disastrous row with Will McEwan had been about; being homosexual was OK as long as you didn’t act on it, but the Church, and hence God, took a very dim view of men who took it any further than pure, cerebral, platonic love.  Fornicators would be punished for their sin, but what was it that poor dead Will had said in that recording?  Love is never wrong.  Was he right or was the Church right?  Could James go to Hell just for the lust he was feeling towards Robbie right now?

 

James let out a groan of pure frustration and thumped his fists on the bed.  It was so bloody complicated and unfair! 

 

Would it be possible to go back to the way they had been before?  Was that the answer, James wondered and then realised it wouldn’t be possible at all.  He would feel that kiss on his mouth for the rest of his life, whether it was repeated or not; whether things went further or not, the imprint of Robbie’s lips was on him forever.   He’d already overstepped the boundaries with Lewis … and this time it was his own decision; nobody was forcing him, he wanted to.

 

* * * * *

 

Robbie sat in his kitchen with a cup of cold tea in his hand, staring into space.  He was numb with shock.  Nothing like this had ever happened in his life and he was trying to work out how he felt.  He was trying very hard to be completely honest because if he made a mistake now he could not only ruin his own life but James’ as well, not to mention the younger man’s career. 

 

Honestly?  Yes, he had enjoyed the kiss and if he were honest to the point of making himself feel slightly sick, he had fancied James before but he wasn’t … he just wasn’t… other men might be, but he wasn’t … but that was what James had said, it was more complicated than that, you didn’t just like boys OR girls, you could be more selective.  Was that it?  He wasn’t gay, he just fancied James… like crazy; wanting to be in his company, wanting to protect him and care for him, and be like he’d been with Val, a couple … was that what it was?

 

* * * * *

 

James was desperate to expend some energy.  He thought he would go mad if he just stayed in his flat so he put on his jogging gear and set out to run off the thoughts that were turning in his mind like a hamster in a wheel, round and round and round endlessly.

 

He wouldn’t phone Robbie.  His Boss had to come to his own decisions and Monday would come soon enough.  In a way Hathaway didn’t want to face him because there was still the slight, or possibly great chance, that Lewis would tell him to get stuffed, that it was all a mistake and that he ought to be busted for what he had done.

 

Feet pounding along the pavement, I-Pod in his ears, Bach thundering in his head, James had no idea where he was going but his subconscious was directing him as surely as a GPS system.

He was totally surprised when he found himself at the cemetary and a stitch suddenly doubled him up, unable to move, despite the fact that Robbie had seen him and was walking towards him slowly and purposefully.

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“Come on, you stupid sod,” he put a hand on James’ back and rubbed gently.  “Let’s get you home for a shower and then I think you and I might go for a lunchtime pint and a bit of a chat.”

 

James peered up, still in his hairpin position and squinted

 

“Am I likely to enjoy this chat, Sir?”

 

“Well I don’t think you’re going to hate it, Hathaway, but then I’m completely at sea with all this.  All I know is that I don’t think Val minds… which matters.”

 

“Indeed it does, Sir, it matters very much,” said James, finally managing to straighten up and taking Robbie’s offered arm to help him walk to the car.  “Did you know, Sir?”

 

“Know what, Hathaway?”

 

“That I’m in love with you, Sir.”

 

“Yes, James, I think that’s been quite clear for a while, I just wasn’t very sure where I stood.”  When Hathaway glanced over to see if he was going to get a situation report on where his Boss stood now, all he got was a squeeze of the arm and a quick smile from Robbie.

 

“All in good time lad, all in good time.”


End file.
